The Secrets of Romance

People say to me, “Lisa, you are a most fabulous and superior romance author. Tell me please, how do I get laid more be more romantic with my significant other?”

Generally, I reply, “How the hell should I know?” But strangely, they all seem unsatisfied with this response. So, in effort to aid the masses, here are some suggestions for being romantic.

Do the Dishes. Seriously. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like presenting your lover with a clean kitchen. You’ll probably get laid right then too cause now that they don’t have to clean, they’ll have the time and energy to get it on.

Write a Love Letter. You don’t need to be a poet to do this. You don’t even need fancy paper or ink or flowery perfume. An email will suffice. All you need to do is write down how the other person makes you feel. Don’t make it more complex than it needs to be. Just be honest. This unexpected declaration of your feelings and how much you value and respect them will get you some of the best nooky ever. I promise.

Watch a Romantic Movie. Now, I’m not really a chick flick kind of girl so for me a romantic film would be anything that featured Hugh Jackman. Everybody is different. Cater to the taste of your lover. That’s the whole point. Add a really nice bottle of wine and some decadent food like chocolate covered strawberries and it is bound to be an night to remember.

Let me just add one last thing, flowers and candies are nice – really nice – but popping up with these things usually rouses suspicion rather than joy. If really want to get a gift, go with diamonds.